Hot, Hot, Hot. Some people say that Venice is beautiful, and I totally agree, but that doesn’t mean that I could spend the rest of my life there (I could spend the rest of my allowance there however).
Ahhh the people of Venice…..those unorganized, slow, hot (with one t), sweaty people. As some frequenters of the US of good ol’ A may know is that we keep our food refrigerated. Not saying that we did it for our whole life as a country, but we did do it as soon as we got blessed with the fridge. With that said, the Venetians and Italians still prefer to throw as much salt as possible on their raw meat until it is salty or sweaty enough for the bacteria to get so pissed off with the meat that they just move on to a better place (probably and armpit or something), they also love to leave their bread out! So far I have been eating enough salted and cured meat to keep any bacteria in my stomach up at my armpits.
You know what else is sweet??! Italians love the phrase “My word is my bond” or better yet “If you break my fucking word you owe me 50 Euro” pardon my Italian. I told a Venitian that I just went to the bathroom and he asked me if the toilet was clean, I said yeah. Turns out in his eyes it wasn’t up to par, so he pushed me on the ground and forced me to buy him 50 euro worth of Arfen (this year it would be Dolofast) that didn’t actually happen but I bet It would have if I was able to stand the blistering heat in the bathroom, didn’t I mention that Italians don’t believe in expanding and contracting a special gas to dehumidify and cool things?….I think I did.
Now Venice isn’t all bad. They have their checks and balances and their glass and their Catholicism and their gangster lean and their arches and last but not least their LACE!!!! GO! LACE!!! Who doesn’t love lace????? (I don’t unless it’s on Heidi Klum) Beautiful Burano, the city of lace………..
Things they have: Colorful houses, Polenta, Great Pizza, Red Chicago Bulls Cowboy Hats, Fish (not phish), a leaning building, Masks, Canals, Bridges, Boats, and Lace!
Things they don’t have: Ketchup, Hot-Sauce, Tap Water, and Shade (except in a great alley way)
I like to make stuff up, so don’t believe anything I every say. ALL IN ALL (cliché!) definitely go travel to Venice, BUT DON’T STAY THERE!!!! Take a day, a 9 hour straight line walking tour, do all the stuff you’ve ever heard about, see Aerosmith, THEN GO STRAIGHT HOME! But you don’t have to listen to me.
Till next time,
James the Pearl Monroe aka Justin the Tyler Russikoff
Well your writing voice does match your personality, hmmm?!! I do like it. And I think your observations as an outsider looking in on a culture are really smart, though you may have just been having fun here.
ReplyDeletePlease do continue to have fun with the blog. But for the things I ask you to do - the specific posts I ask you to write - you need to work more journalistically. I'll skip over your fun ones and look for the storytelling I want you to work on.
So in this post, to be journalistic - and I'm sure you know this - you'd need to lose the fake stuff and instead find the most excellent stories in things you observe, report on, describe. Yes, the cliche bathroom stuff has to go...
The salty meat stuff is very good - but you need to mention somehow that this was traditional Sardinian cooking. If you didn't know that, then you need to think like a journalist more and ask questions...
The checks and balances passage, and the lace, that all just rocks, Justin. Love. It.
Fair warning: I'll be grading you on your progress - the work you do to be more journalistic, and a little less bathroom comic. Get out that reporter's notebook and apply your personality...